Time to destigmatise having scary thoughts about harming your baby
27 Oct 2023
All mums have unwanted or ‘intrusive’ thoughts about accidentally harming their baby. What’s more, around 50% of mums have intrusive thoughts about harming their baby on purpose.
‘What if I held my baby under the bath water?’ ‘What if I pushed the stroller into the road?’ ‘What if I cut my baby with a knife?’ These out-of-character thoughts can be disturbing – terrifying even – but they’re normal. They’re a symptom of perinatal anxiety and depression and something parents should know about.
So, intrusive thoughts are nothing to worry about?
“The important thing to note about intrusive or scary thoughts is that’s all they are: thoughts,” says Nikki Perry at St John of God Raphael Services.
As a clinical nurse specialist providing perinatal support services for new and expecting parents, Nikki regularly meets new mums experiencing – and frightened by – intrusive thoughts.
“You’re having these awful thoughts and think you’re going mad,” Nikki explains. “It’s scary. However, intrusive thoughts are very different to psychotic thoughts. There’s a lot of research out there confirming mums don’t act on intrusive thoughts.”
Why do new mums have these scary thoughts?
“The truth is, we don’t really know why these thoughts occur. We just know it’s incredibly common,” says Nikki. “Most of the mums I speak to have never experienced mental health issues before.
“There are several theories. Most revolve around the idea that the heightened stress and anxiety new parents experience triggers something in our brains – perhaps something in our evolutionary make-up – that causes what would ordinarily be unthinkable thoughts to pop into our heads.”
What can you do if you’re experiencing intrusive, scary thoughts?
- First, remember these thoughts are completely normal. Half of the mums you meet will have had a similar experience.
- Remind yourself that these are just thoughts. You’re not feeling compelled to act on them. You’re noticing them and you’re appalled by them.
- Seek support. Talk to someone you trust, your GP or a perinatal support service, such as:
“Having a support network is really important for new parents, whether you’re experiencing scary thoughts or not,” says Nikki. “Your partner, family, friends – it’s important to have someone to talk to, even if you’re worried about telling someone else about your scary thoughts.
“Of course, not everyone is lucky enough to have a supportive partner or family around them. That’s when it’s vital to reach out to a support network or service.”
How can Raphael Services help?
“Our counsellors and therapists are here to help new and expecting mums and dads through the highs and lows of pregnancy and parenting, from conception to baby’s fourth birthday,” says Nikki.
“We offer free support that helps equip new mums and dads to deal with challenges, so they can build a healthy relationship with their baby. This includes counselling for mums experiencing intrusive thoughts and a new peer-support pilot program called Heart to Heart.”
“Heart to Heart is a Raphael Services initiative that’s been created in partnership with a parent who has first-hand experience with intrusive thoughts,” explains Nikki. “She said a local peer-support group – a safe space where she could’ve spoken to other mums who were experiencing or had experienced the same scary thoughts – would’ve been a game-changer for her. So, we’ve worked together to set up this pilot program in Perth. We hope to roll out the program to other locations in the future.”
For more information about St John of God Raphael Services, visit sjog.org.au/raphael
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